gue nye blog, pasal gua nye hal!!!

gambling my life...

2009-06-22T05:32:00.005+08:00

i just cant sleep today, and i went on thinking should i or should i not. i dont know why i cant think of anything else but i am so blank and lost lately thinking about this. scared of the truth that i am actually have no heart no more to continue studying in RP. i cant lie no more i cant lie. now i am telling the truth. i am. so what do i need to do??

i am gambling my life after wasting 3 years of my life retaking o level and being in that RP. that is one thing i should be disappointed with. i should be.

i think i am doing the right choice. its better for me to be in NS and then continue my studies back in RP but will i be motivated again to study there? what a waste. but then i started thinking, what will i be after NS? what will i do? what will this and that? oh god!!

i should have listen to what dad said four years ago, when i got my first o'level results. i should enter NS first then continue studying. i was so stubborn that time. now i regretting it.

argh!!! i really need to think hard on this. i am so lost now. help me please...

Bdae!!!

2009-06-19T08:29:00.002+08:00

Now im 20 cen.

no more a teen. omg!!!

Tanx to my siblings for the card, cake and lighter!!.

LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH!!

not forgetting, to my brothers.

SIR, KEN, ZEEK, DAN & FIRMAN.

So the kecoh!!!

ill update the pics kae after ken update it at FB.

and not forgetting to the lovelies that wished me a happy bdae!!

tanx alot pepol, appreciate it many2.

myra its ok aite im not mad at u dear. =))

tata!

aweng'

All my only Dreams

2009-06-15T11:35:00.003+08:00

I dnt know why i hear to this song everytime when i feel lonely. Its sweet and so romantic i guess. I made a cover dulu, record then delete it. Cakap paisey mah, suara aku mana lah sedap sangatkan.. I think i will do a cover of this song and ill post it up. maybe lah. aku mana lah reti taruk muka kat you tube. hahas so here you go..

All my only dreams

Failing in life?

2009-06-12T06:37:00.003+08:00

You may see me struggle
but you wont see me fall.
Regardless if I'm weak or not I'm going to stand tall.
Everyone says life is easy
but truly living it is not.
times get hard,
people struggle
& constantly get put on the spot.
I'm going to wear the biggest smile
even though I want to cry.
I'm going to fight to live
even though I'm destined to die.
and even though it's hard & I may struggle through it all.
you see me struggle...you will NEVER see me fall.

I am hoping the best and im hoping it will last.

A better 'khalifah allah'. A better son. A better man. A better friend. A better soulmate. A better student. A better employee.

To be or not to be.

So ill wont let u down.

the unplanned date

2009-06-11T06:28:00.003+08:00

dated 09/06/09

was the day i met you...

im still remembering

the way you smile,

the way you looked at me,

the way kissed me,

the way hugged me,

the way touched me,

the way you hold my hands tight.

miss it all

Smile owaes pepol' =)

aweng'

im asleep yet awake

2009-05-29T10:14:00.004+08:00

they went on saying..

his missing classes again,

does he loves me like i do to him,

why is he doing this over and over again,

does he care about us,

im so disappointed in him

what is my son turning too??

I heard quarrels at the back.

sorry mom & dad , nya'e & ya'e...

for this bad habit of mine...

after the holidays, ill pormise for a new beginning alright!

Benda da jadik kek....

2009-05-28T20:20:00.004+08:00

As the first son of the family, very large responsibility and pressures that s being put on me. .

Why do this things keep on happening to me?

I really need to pick up and start moving on. My mind is tired of all this pressures. Tired with my own doings of forcing myself to lepak with people even though I knew that i cant take it anymore. Now i am lack of rest and i start my old habit of ponteng School. aiya!! dielah like this...

A $500 debt

Last Friday i went to JB to do a standard routine of refueling, buying of 2T and cigarettes. On a tiring trip back home I came across a road block, as it was my first time, i panic i started spitting out my cigarettes that i was smoking through the filter lane at after the exit of KJE from Woodlands. At first i saw the policeman was waving saying "u can go to me" but i was wrong Udi as my pillion asked me to stop, i think if not my bike will be like a wanted bike all over Singaporelahkan. We stopped and we giggled.

Then two "dogs" approached us when the "dogs" approach us, especially the malay dog lah kan, kalau dia tak pakai uniform da lama aku sebat sak... he shouted out loud la, "EEH!! you wanna run izzit" "Dalah takde side mirror" in my heart was like kau buta ke kero sak?? ada pe tu satu kat kanan, tone was not like a professional officer sia more to a matrep in a uniform sia.

then he screen me asked to take out all my things in my pockets and bag. then that was the time my heart was pumping fast, i juz had an instinct we should not had went on. I had a contraband cigarettes, the cigarettes that i bought from JB. There i was "shit... $500".

Unluckily the following hours, my Angel troubled me and i missed my first UT. I got more stressed up i am blanked. i was so lost thanks to my bike cliques they came to my rescue, udi push by bike from Mandai camp to Petir road, Chimps place. There my bike was fixed, ALHAMDULLILAH!!! my Angel recovered. one problem solved another factor still remained in my mind.

So the next Monday i went on to the place where i need to report to settle my case, i went there after a session of cabuting. to stress to think, i went there and i was hopeful that i will be allowed an extention for the fined i received. I cant, i have to pay up on the spot, SHIT!!. I asked m friends for help hoping that they can help me up but none of them can. So bopian i have to pay the fine up on the spot. i was so damn pissed, i asked dad for 500 cash with that i need to pay dad more than what i have too. Shit, so disappointed with myself. haiya..

So whatever it is i still have to move what... so yeah keep on smiling like there is no tomorrow. Partying next week beb. its been awhile..

ill update again soon.

Smile OWaes' =))

aweng'

A new clothes for sayang.

2009-05-28T20:15:00.002+08:00

I recently so called change my sayangs outfit with a much more nicer cover set.

Previously was plain blue, now it is in Green, Nestle Milo paint job. I bought it over from one of my bike cliques (Chimp) for 150 and he exchange the kit withsayang old outfits.

So if u see me outside make sure tegur eh....

here u go my dearest "Angel"

Smile OWaes' =))

aweng'

2009-04-28T12:17:00.001+08:00

Dulu dan Selamanya

by A to Z

Kepada mu ku curahkan
Kepada mu ku buktikan
Segala yang ku janjikan
Dari dulu dan selamanya
Biar musim pun berganti
Namun aku kan kembali

Kepada mu disisi
Bersama lagi hanya kau ku sayangi
Biar hari berganti dan pergi
Kerana ku tahu kau kasihku
Kali ini ku kembali

Dalam alunan mesra sinar pagi
Ku genggam erat tangan mu
Ku bawa bersama, ke alam
Realiti dan fantasi

Its Not That I Don’t Want To Live …

2009-04-06T05:52:00.004+08:00

Its Not That I Don’t Want To Live …

What . . .
Its not that I don’t want to live
Its just that I can’t
You see, I have so much to give
I guess its all just relative

Why . . .
My mind wants to render all
Because you intrigue
Our brainwaves place the calls
To each other, even through walls

My soul, full with the essence of you
Yet still is empty
It never seems to know what to do
Can’t figure out what, when, where or who

My heart is starting to give up its beat
Slowing down a bit
Colder now where there once was some heat
Seems hoping forever we’ll again meet

And this body, so lacking excitement
Aches for your soft touch
Remembering the nights we spent
A real human attraction, not just a hint

So . . .
Since there’s no other path to take
‘Cause living’s just like death
I think its time to sleep and not wake
The water’s warm and deep in this lake

Bye . . .

nolah im not so dead lah. i just felt this poem is nice so i post it up.

but i do feel abit like this too sometimes, just sometimes. just bored with lonely and sentimental things.

jealous of people having relationship and im not. hmm. but i have to be strong for god sake and a brighter future.

leaving to survive and leading my life to the fullest i can go.

its just heartbreaking when ur past came in n out and keep disturbing your freaking mind, seriously its like wasting ur memory space sia. how i wish we have minds like a computer which have 120 gig of space and also a recycle bin, how i wish!!!

simply jealous of people having bf/gf for a very small gap after breaking up while i am still single for a year or soo. aiyoo. when will i get a replacement for her, she got hers when will i get mine.

i miss...

kissing a girl on the lips, cheeks and on her forehead.

huggin a girl tight and not letting go.

teasing a girl till she play the "bunga game" then i need to pujok of course.

pleasing a girl

fighting words and arguements with a girl.

i miss the stare from a girl

i really miss a girl to give me a smile and say to me 'I love you'.

not forgetting a girl kissing me thru the phone.

how i wish!!

i noe i am being strong, how strong will i be. till how far will i cope.

still waiting...

on my bike

2009-04-02T05:20:00.001+08:00

nie bisar betol siol!!

2009-03-20T15:43:00.000+08:00

My sex appeal is 9 out of 10.
Ladies beware!!!

Lets101 - free online dating

Design Nama Sendiri

2009-03-19T09:20:00.002+08:00

I never tot i will be in a cutting/design - a group of bikers hanging out and be together.

never i ever tot of it. i use to say it's all bullshit and blah2. believe me, ask zeek or put or whoeva.

now i am even in it. signed the papers bought stickers and now i am officially thier.

Team Design Nama Sendiri/ Team DNS. thats what i am in now. to me a rilex cutting. i compared a few cuttings that ive heard around bp. i kinda like this one, DNS.

note - jangan pandang budak2 cutting semua jahat!

YES!! its tomorrow! yuhUU!!!! happy abg zul kita nie!! my fierce blue krr da ready sey.

BUT sadly total of Rm 1700 - Rm 1900 will be the price for my bike. ooo so syg my money.

- so now no more allowance, i think so, up to my parents actually $50 pon jadi per, hahahas

- need to pay installment to dad $150/mth and i need to be independent!

- payment for DNS registration $20, air brush helmet and Crew T - $120, chalet in june or july $25.

- slowly to chrome my bike. maybela tak perlu.

- save up 1k ++ for next years insurance, back up.

- school is just around the corner. 20th april 2009. hopefully a new beginning.

smile OWaes' =D

aweng'

Cntaku dipermainkan

2009-03-18T05:18:00.001+08:00

Cintaku dipermainkan.

tidakkah engkaw tahu syg
betapaku syg padamu
kerna kaw insan yg ku cinta buat selamalamanya
tapi disebaliknya apa yg engkaw berikan padaku
kasih dan sygku tiada
pilunya hatiku...

kini kau berubah...
kau tk seperti dulu
mengapa sygku mengapa
kaw jadi begini
kini aku menyesal menyintaimu
kerna cintaku dipermainkan secukup-cukupnya
hampalah hatiku dengan percintaan
engkau membuatku tidak mahu cinta lagi syg

mengapa engkau permainkan cinta yg sudah kita bina
jikalaw kaw tk syg lagi berterus terang padaku
jgn engkau menyiksai aku
tk sanggup lagi ku menanggung
dugaan cinta yg kau beri terhadap diriku
sakitnya hatiku sampainya hatimu
kau tidak melayani seperti dahulu

cute sak nie...

2009-03-16T04:07:00.001+08:00

Enjoy!!

my angel is in 'ICU'

2009-03-13T04:52:00.006+08:00

on 25 february 2009 was the day i bought a blue KRR.

my "Angel" was nicely covered with metallic blue fairing and new sets of headlights and taillights.

'Angel" was "wan cheng" and i was very happy on having it by my side.

ride with it for a long distance and i tot it was ok cause its damn smooth for me to ride of to changi airport on just the second day i bought this baby that i have ever dream of getting since i am a kid.

but...

never thaught that its gonna be this bad. it was 28 february 2009, my first trip to johore on my bike alone. everyone was excited and the other riders were happy as i had waited for a year ++ now to get a bike. so i went to a bike shop there where Firman always service and did his bike for the past 1 year. then thatwas the time where Panjang his mechanic said, "Rabak ni. ni kena overhaul nie. motor da berat." and there i was feeling down when i heard about it but I kept on being positive that its not going to be that spoilt. then slowly one by one problem started to pop up. i stall in the middle of the expressway, hard to start my engine and my oil seal from my bike broke and my engine oil was milky so people from pizza hut started to know and kept on saying rabak nyer!. it kept on haunting me and i was super duper worried. in my silence i did not show to them on how worried i was since then. coz as a rider you should be worried when your bike on going to a top speed you engine sound as if theres sand inside it. not forgetting my cute encounter with nadd dear at esso bukit timah. ooom sweaty me. i was so down sia, luckily azan came to the rescue!! alhamdullilah but nw this....

so today i went to johore and i tot of just having my bike to get a full service but it ended up to what everyone expected, OVERHAUL!!!. i was there smoking stick by stick trying to cover up my stress. theres scrathes on Angel's block as the previous owner used a LOCAL piston and not an original one; im so damn peace off when i knew about that,then when my engine was crack open i got to know my conrod and its conrod bearing was out of place because of it. the only solution was overhaul.

i just want the best so i let the mechanic for hoe heng, Along, to do it. as the few riders trust his hands and i do to, when i looked at the way he works. so the total cost will be expensive! around S$ 800 and approxminately Rm1.6 k. DARI MANA SAK AKU NAK CEKAU DUIT SEBANYAK tu!!! argh... fikiran2!

oh gosh! i am so down now. angel's is in ICU!! from where can i get cash for this short time.

my bike is like my dear that i really gonna treasure it for a long time. I always promise and want the best for my dear angel. sobs. =(

aweng'

counting down the days....

2009-02-20T02:01:00.002+08:00

its getting near yet it seems so far...
just wait and see.

=D

smile owaes' =D
aweng'

yeah!!!! its done!!

2009-01-13T03:54:00.005+08:00

FUYOO!!!

at last gi2 blog being edited.
i was trying hard for the past 1 week, at last got the best skin. Now it just look green and simple.
yes ar. i am satisfied.
and yar if you want me to relink you just place ur link at the tagboard aites. =)

ok2.

btw i just realize that the last time i blog was like two freaking two months ago.
thats suder duper long.

to be honest for the past two months was pure working. riding out and back to the carpark, get dockets and ride out again, finish the assigned closing and there we go out of the outlet. that's practically the daily routine in my life for now. with me working like everyday, even though i know that the pay its freakingly low, but i am confident that i will get a bike in two or three months. i am trying so hard on saving up.

like i said in my "Goals of 2009" its either KRR or RXz, actually i really dont mind no more which one cause i am not using my bike to show that i am a 'mat rempit' or what, it will me a means of transport for me. just hope for this time round i will not be interupt by problem or anything.

and for school, i discussed with my parents that i am going to school next year, if i get to carry on. i really hope so. i always realized things last minute. dragging the 'cabut disease' in me. i still want to study, its my future! like a phrase that ' the future is in our own hands '. i dont want to be a brother or a friend that is so sellfish and have people saying that i am useless. i know i had been that for the past six months. oh! silly me. i really hope a better year ahead.

sorry mum and dad. i know i had failed to impress you but i will proof i am not another paman in our family. i will have a bright future ahead. insyaallah. i need to have the right attitude.

for my love life im just settling myself down with no one. I am so damn lonely! haiss...

anyway, congrats athirah for getting 19 for your O's. i always knew you can do it. good luck in choosing your next route of success, may you get the best. =)

another new year ahead, new challenges, new friends , new surprises. hopefully it will be a better one than 2008 for me.
bye to the past, hello! hello! mr. future! .

good luck people!
Smile Owaes' =D
aweng'

picking up the pieces.

2008-11-26T03:48:00.003+08:00

hey2.

hacuh!!!!
my blog is so dusty now, filled with cobwebs hanging everywhere.
since the last day i edited my blog, i think NOW is the time for me to express it all.

moving on....

its been 8 months of hard and difficult journey that i had gone through. from being the person all knew as decent good boy pesonality of mine to a bad boy. the opposite, from '+' to '-'. i think its MUST be the time i just throw it behind and see it as a bad memory that i wont remember.
i sat down and think of what they had said, put zeek arep, every day. they are so closed with me that i tell them every thing that i need to let it go to them. Not going to school for 10 weeks is just bad enough for me when i realized something, I AM JUST WASTING MY LIFE NOW! i just need to start PICKING UP THE PIECES of life. so now im starting to go to school and i am really hoping that i am ready for the upcoming challenges.

fUH!!! I need to repeat another year in RP, 10 weeks of being lazy and sellfish, this is what i am going to get. common zul be strong!!!

but I still wanna be a PARTY PEOPLE eh!!! i just love it.

after months of not having a stable job at last im hired back. pizza hut delivery! hopefully another job at hyatt will bring me more in return.

My new goal.

a KRR
get a diploma b4 NS (have 2)
dont make my mum cry again, never again!

im letting you go away from me. im just moving on. . .

Smile OWaes' =)
aweng'

dead me. . .

2008-10-13T09:56:00.008+08:00

hey pepol.

before anything as it is raya season, just wanna wish all my loved ones a SELAMAT SELAMAT HARI RAYA!!! maad zahir batin. yeah!.

Dam dam dum bunyi mercun.
Bila Jalan2 raya nampak perumpuan Cun lah beb! yg nie random eh...

ok ok. back to my life.

well my raya season was fine. where on the first day practically being investigated by my beloved sisters. well they were expecting a lot from me and truth leak out of me clubbing and drinking. i was ashamed and felt as it i have failed to be the family type of guy anymore at first but i then slowly faced like a man and answered the truth and tell how i started drinking. honestly i was sweating and my heart was pumping hard felt abit better after a short smoking break after the so called investigation.

i realized something i need not be scared and kept quite, i haved to face of all my wrong doings, because this is only on earth and it is not after life. where i know it will uncountable more times painful then here in earth. Only god knows how will be the punishments be. honestly im not prepared. forgive me allah. but honestly still cant imagine how if my dad knew about all the stories they know. maybe it be GET OUT OF MY HOUSE KOT! ahahs

'duit raya'. talking about it. still get alot though. around $200 gi2 this year less than 2 weeks.. apa org kata 2 kan. tak tau malu!! hahas.
but sadly spent half cos not been working. cigarettes and stuffs. hahas.

so best raya photo this year. of course the family photo. there on top. turquoise this year. i like!!

On school.
I am not in a mood anymore to talk about it. to be in RP is such a bullshit! feel like quitting and change school. let it be i have to be wasting another 3 years.
but
i cant. i need to look forward, dad needs me. i cant let my dad suffer on working alone anymore. still need time. i will be in school tomorrow k. PROMISE!!!! guess 5 weeks of holidays. i fell i want some more!

dead me!

anyways.

PUTSY!!! welcome back eh!!!

smile owaes' =)

singning off.
aweng'

shit sia.

2008-09-27T03:47:00.004+08:00

i am a piece of shit.

a work.
i love goodwood park so much.
but why now everything is different.

the environment.
everything.
if i leave, i will miss the environment.
will i, i have too.
i cant work there no more. the spirit is gone sia.

where to work now? my bikey going to be like far2 awaylah gini.

**************************************************************

and i asked nurul.

2008-09-25T17:51:00.003+08:00

kau comment aku kat sini jelah

i m confused says:

ouh haha

aweng says "mixed up!" says:

blang aku

i m confused says:

kau nak aku ckp sal ape

aweng says "mixed up!" says:

ntah pape ar.

i m confused says:

aweng says "mixed up!" says:

patut tak aku uat

aweng says "mixed up!" says:

hahas

i m confused says:

aku ader comment tapi panjang

i m confused says:

so kau bace pelan2

i m confused says:

ok.. 1st thing 1st

aweng says "mixed up!" says:

ok kau taruk kau aku nye chats

i m confused says:

as i always say..

aweng says "mixed up!" says:

hahas

aweng says "mixed up!" says:

k continue

i m confused says:

its ur life.. if u love her, u think she realise her mistake, u want to go ahead, i would be more then happy for you

i m confused says:

but

i m confused says:

if u think u cant get on with it coz of the scar she gave u, then maybe you shud just tell her kalau ader jodoh, we will meet again once the scar da tak nampak sngt

i m confused says:

1st of all, wat u have to do to make a decision, is to follow the heart. listen to the heart.. not the mind

i m confused says:

heart doesnt lie

i m confused says:

mind does

i m confused says:

love...

i m confused says:

kalau kau genggam dgn ketat, dier akan mati... tapi kalau kau penggang dgn bnyk kelongaran, dier akan pergi

i m confused says:

its a confusing thing love is

i m confused says:

it is a matter of the heart

i m confused says:

not the mind, and what people say...

i m confused says:

yes they want what is best for you... i want what is best for you

i m confused says:

but the oni person who noes best about urself, is u ur own self

i m confused says:

u become who u r because u want it to be that way

i m confused says:

we make who we are...

i m confused says:

so i cant do much to help u... but the oni thing i can say is, follow ur heart... have aGood talk with her... dun do anything harsh to her.. for Tuhan Tu maha adil

i m confused says:

tak payah nak main dier tinggal kan dier, main kan perasaan dier.. Tuhan tau ape balasan dier nanti

aweng says "mixed up!" says:

ish yg last takkanla

aweng says "mixed up!" says:

kau ni pon

i m confused says:

haha

i m confused says:

ape2 pon

i m confused says:

walau mcm mane kiter terluka...

i m confused says:

biar kiter mengalah

i m confused says:

Tuhan nampak ape kiter tgh lalui

i m confused says:

dier aje tau ape isi hati kiter...

aweng says "mixed up!" says:

tanx dear

i m confused says:

welcome

aweng says "mixed up!" says:

u did put some sense in me ar.

aweng says "mixed up!" says:

tanx nurul.

i m confused says:

welcome.. wanted to say this along tome.. cuMe mase tak mengizinkan

aweng says "mixed up!" says:

aku nye post yg first to mcm mana?

i m confused says:

yg mane

aweng says "mixed up!" says:

should i delete or let it be

aweng says "mixed up!" says:

BOO!! YOU CAUGHT ME

i m confused says:

its up to u... its ur decision... but by doing so, u will be hurting her... if she is really sincere

aweng says "mixed up!" says:

that is what i am really feel

aweng says "mixed up!" says:

aku confuselah dear

aweng says "mixed up!" says:

mcm mana nie?

i m confused says:

we are in the same boat...

i m confused says:

aweng says "mixed up!" says:

aku taknak jadi biol mcm biol

i m confused says:

u c

aweng says "mixed up!" says:

hahas

i m confused says:

wen we are confused,

i m confused says:

u close ur eyes, think of ur parents, God.. happy thoughts...

i m confused says:

lok through ur heart

i m confused says:

look in deep

i m confused says:

go to somewhere calm n realzing if u need to

i m confused says:

the ans wil be in there

i m confused says:

i mean somewhere calm n relaxing

i m confused sent 9/25/2008 5:44 PM:

that is what i m planning to do

i deleted the post but i will post it if u want me too.

its a harsh post.

if ur sincere, please show it to me.

aweng'

hot hot.

2008-09-24T03:43:00.007+08:00

on one of her post.

i feel like....

hmm.

i am like just eating chilli padi,
i can taste it.

its hot and spicy...

hot, hot, hot.

sweat!!

ITS PURELY COINCIDENTAL i guess.

**********************************************************************

ya allah,
your the most gracious and forgiving.
im begging for my forgiveness.
i am humble to you right now on this fasting month.
show me the light.
let me away from sins.
ya allah. forgive me!
amin.

one step, two step at a time.

Smile Owaes' (".)

aweng'

Confused

2008-09-24T02:43:00.003+08:00

Confused.

I might hate everything you do
the way you make me cry
but even more
the way you make me smile
And i just can't seem to let go

I feel trapped with no escape
i want to be wild and free
but i come back commited and loyal
i can't just take this feeling
and let it grow
because i just want to let it go

my heart opposes my mind
my mind opposes everything i feel
it's hard to explain what's right
i keep holding on tight
when i just want to stop breathing

It's incredible when were alone
it hurts and feels amazing though
to be so near
i want to bury everything i think and feel
yet those moments we're together i fear

I can't control the emotions or thoughts
that keep confusing me
because i love you but
i want to be free

My knees start to shake,
When you’re in sight.
My mind is filled with wonder,
My heart with fright.

When will this feeling stop?
When did it start?
How can I listen to my mind,
Without breaking my heart?

I’m so confused.
What should I do?
I can’t think of anything except you.

Should I ignore you,
Or just give it time?
I can’t think straight,
My heart controls my mind.

* * (".) * *

aweng'

Hope.

2008-09-15T11:35:00.004+08:00

this hope that kept coming,
just kept me on thinking.
will i be just be missing,
or maybe i am just a fling.

i never really knew,
what am i supposed to do.
i know how time just past flew,
since the day that i had really loved you.

why am i always tested,
now my mind is really congested.
you are the girl that i always trusted,
but why in the end i got busted?

i know

Hope comes like a shining light
Hope always come when there is no way in sight
when you break your heart you lose it all
but Hope is always there to catch, catch you when you fall

when you think you can go on no more
just hang on you never know what Hope has in store.
so i will just wait and i Hope.
till the limit that i really Hope i can cope.

Smile Owaes' =)

aweng'

reasons.

2008-09-14T07:18:00.004+08:00

sorry.

sorry for being selfish,
i was really selfish, yes i am.
cause i was scared of losing you,
and i did not realize of that ma'am.

my mind was all over,
and suddenly you just left.
without any reasons,
that till now its still a guess.

hatred came into me,
i just say what i felt.
i just felt insecure,
like being tie up with a belt.

felt uneasy and lonely,
i blog it up like every weekly.
about how i hate this sweet lady,
that had always made me so happy.

i know its been awhile now,
i just hope, hope that you accept my apology,
my used to be, miss grumbly?

Smile OWaes' =)

aweng'

pay me up!!!

2008-08-31T02:39:00.002+08:00

argh!!!

this past weeks i had working under my ex CLT's. United Parcel Services or known more as UPS. Its a superb job, 55 from 0330hrs to 10oohrs ++, Ot additional 10 bucks. I loved the job there to be honest. you can feel the $$ after a tiring stacking or 'campaking' the heavy loads of boxes. BUT!!!! till now i cant get the feeling of real hot cash!! argh!!!! now i am out of cash. hopefully what he say will come. end of the month..........

for now my mind is just bike, bike, bike and more bike!!! cant wait to ride it, cruise with it, love it, wash it, wax it, refuel it, pump it. but because of the cash matters i have to really lay back my imagination of having it and doing what i had imagine earlier.

well patience is just the path i need to take for now. theres no need for me to tense things up. pressure myself to have a bike. relekkk ape org ckap...

KRR you will be mine, i had cancel my option of buying NSR and now i would not want to cancel of buying you.

soon very soon....

anyway, i really got hook up with one girl from friendster. her eyes lah pepol. but till now she is still not added me up in msn. i guess i am not meant to have anybody for now. hmmm. sabar jela weng'

tats all pepol.

Smile Owaes' =)

aweng'

wat to buy?

2008-08-30T04:17:00.003+08:00

hey2.

well guys its me again. i know its been awhile, very-very busy with work. saving up money for one thing for sure.

yeah, i tell you now, i pass my bike license on 20th Aug 2008. The day where i can officially ride a bike on the road. for years i waited and yes!!! at last!!! i got it now. i really thought it was not that day. tired from work the past days, sick and feverish on the tp day. hahas. yeah. luckily it was a malay tester. thank god. Alhamdulillah, thanks encik wahid. hahas.

so now i am saving up, really hard saving my money up till the core. but how is it possible if my pay is still not in my hand till now. Argh, money2.

ok now what bike should i get!!! RXZ or KRR? for KRR maintenance will be very high but i really like the speed of it. RXZ will be fine and the maintenance will be average. I think i will go for it. Rxz, but when? how? KRR? argh tak tau ar!!! for now i need to really save up for cash. insurance and stuff will be playing on my mind for now. i hope and hopefully hari raya this year will be with a bike riding by myself. hopefully.

so till now people.

Smile Owaes' =)

aweng'

2008-07-29T21:57:00.002+08:00

**************************************************

Fill in the blanks with your own answer and tag 5 other bloggers. It ain't as easy as you thought it is. Have fun and remember to be honest!

Part I

I said, "why did you left".

I want to, be love and show it sincerely again.

I wish i have already pass my bike license

I miss loving her.

I am sure i will love someone soon.

I wonder who will it be?

I regret for entering Republic Polytechnic.

I am not fogetting the moments i spent with her.

I dance the zapin tectonic, haha!.

I sing anywhere anytime.

I cry when she came back to my mind, alone.

I am blaming myself for it.

I write what i fell like writing.

I confuse why you came msging back.

I need to start training.

I should try to let go.

I had chocolate brownie.

I seek forgiveness ya allah!

I will be really there if anyones need me, if i can help.

I shouldn't have started drinking.

I confess that i still love you.

I claim i will be there forever when we were together.

**************************************************

Instruction : Remove one question from below and add in yourown personal question. Make it a total of 20 questions thentag 5 people from your list. List them out at the end of thispost. Notify he or she through their tagbox.

Part II

1. Where would you go if someone sponsors you an air ticket?
- Mecca.

2. What's your favourite thing to do?
- slacking.

3. Do you think money can buy happiness?
- no. it will rarely come.

4. If you were given a chance to receive something, what would it be?
- sinapore idol.

5. Things you can't live without?
- myself.

6. What are you afraid to lose?
- anyone that i really love.

7. If you win 1 million, what would you do?
- I'll buy anything that i want in matter of hours. SP and a car and a vietnamese chick for a wife. hahas. lots of them.

8. What do you dream of doing in the future?
- be someone like my dad, bilal masjid, if can lah.

9. List down 3 good points to the person who gave this survey.
- zeeky blush and blush and blush about feezah

10. What is you worst traits?
- being heartbroken.

11. What type of person do you hate most?
- those who step matreps.

12. If you had superpower, what would it be?
- be a great lover.

13. Who do you think is the most important in your life?
- Family!

14. Will you ever cheat on your boyfriend/girlfriend?
- no never i dream of it to happen.

15. Who was the last person who hugged you?
- sir. long time we never meet.

16. What is the one thing you want badly now?
- getting over her.

17. Whom are you close to?
- all my close frens

18. Favourites colours of the world.
- greeeeeeennnnnnnnnn make me smile

19. Do you miss anyone right now?
- Yes, athirah.

**************************************************

So, im tagging.

1) AmiraNafisah
2) Zeeky
3) adek yana
4) adek erma
5) farhana

Am i or am i not?

2008-07-24T10:49:00.002+08:00

hey hey. me again.

nothing much happen yesterday. one thing i really had a smile on my face which was after months , my family had dinner as a whole, full strength. we the the sons and daughters of rahmans and not fogetting the lovely couple, mum and dad. it was like WOW!!! to be honest, mum and dad was very busy with some silat thinging, which i was not totally in it at all, felt lonely at times but i faced it quite well. so we crack some jokes and at last i really saw smiles at their faces, after a long time. =) . just love you guys.

other than that, i kept myself occupied with stuff yesterday, like playing Football Manager 08, CS 1.6 and surf the net but i just kept on thinking about her. why? am i falling for her again? i had always wish that would happen, i used too, but not after i had gotten over her. i always want it to happen but not now.

the first few months after the break up i lied that she would come back but guess what its coming, falling for her again. the only question is just why am i or am i not really for her? is she still you know, her feelings, is it still for me? it cant be? shes surely having a heart for someone now? arghh!!! its playing with me. am i the one playing with this feelings? if its true shes on with someone will i able to get over her with. i just can't sleep just now.

well just now i didn't sleep.
tried to sleep at first but can't from 1 to 3, i watch CSI series in AXN, miami and las vegas. tried to sleep again, on my bed turning from left, right, back to the front again till 4.30, im not joking now. while listening to my mp3, this song came next on my mp3 list, Fall For You from Secondhand Serenade, kept on playing the song over and over again. i am really draining on understanding to the lyrics and guess what, i am feeling it, the same way it is saying. i am falling for her again? after draining myself to that song i continued on my sleepless night and watch some movie Night At the Museum.

So heres the lyrics of that song----

Secondhand Serenade - Fall For You

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I ain't trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start
Ohhhh

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold onto your words
'Cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When you're asleep

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find

Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

well i know she will view my blog and read it up but honestly i am feeling this way now. i know maybe she's not feeling the same way towards me, but theres still a little tiny mini hope it may happen. well if i hope that what i wish at the shooting star years ago which actually did happen. was to fall for such a darling, her. i would be glad if it happen once again.

for now i just want her to be at her best for her o's, she's really aiming high and i am glad for her, i had always wished the best for her. she is really showing improvements. passed a-maths and aiming for JC now.

well athirah, i knew you were good and all you need was effort. i know you are concentrating on your o's and maybe that was the reason you left. i have never seen you as an enemy after you left but i am always been hoping you come back, even if the last time i saw you was at the yishun mrt station, and it was the day u said firmly, "i don't want to". i still can picture your expression of anger that you shown to me that day. athirah, i don't want you to fall for this post cause i am just expressing what i felt. so hopefully you will not think about it, just concentrate on your o's alright. if your reading this whatever happens any doubts, problems anything i will always be waiting and wanting to help you.

maybe we will be or will not be together, its all up to fate.

Smile Owaes. =)

Zulfi Aweng'

her msg that struck me. WHY?

2008-07-21T08:54:00.005+08:00

have you ever wonder, that you were the same as the computer? with memory space that can deleted completely if you don't want it to.
it is not random question but i really hope i do. hahas.

well i know it had been a freaking long time since the last time i bloged.
but i really need to tell you something. not been sleeping well this few days.

I really lost my confidence of living and just hope the best with fate. i just broke up with my girlfriend not long ago as you guys know and changed my attitude from a normal ass to a bad ass. Im always been a smoker, turn to be a drinker(tried drinking but hate it at first addition of some promise made by him before break up) and also a clubber(after break up). im an ass who thinks school is like whatever after our break up.

so the story just goes like this...

it was like a normal saturday night, i was just thinking of cancelling clubbing as i planned it last minute with Don.
i was practically lazy and thinking of saving up cash.
i was supposed to work that day but Ajib ask me a favor to replace his slot on the next day as he got something on that coming monday.
I was in the wash room, then beeb a trance msg tone from my cell.
I got a msg, it was quite a random one. as i never had a msg on saturdays for the past weeks.
so i took my time looking at my message, but in the end i totally forget about it.
1/2 an hour later i got another msg then i remembered about the earlier one.
so i quickly want i rush and check it out. as he thought it was Don whom is msging me, asking if i was ready to go to party.
but to my randomness, the earlier msg was from her.
when i saw her name at the pop up msg. straight away, all of it came back. my memories with her.

so the msg conversation goes like this,
I will use my name for me and athirah for her.

athirah - hey. i added you already at friendster. =D
aweng - yes. i know. Thanks.
athirah - Your welcome. Watcha doing?

there, i was stunned by the question asked, i seemed lost and replied cause in my mind just when on like "what for you msg me for, ask me what am i doing?"

aweng - doin nothing.
athirah - are you ok? is everything alright?

i got more blurer like a squid and became more lost and replied.

aweng - yes im ok and everything is doing alright. Why?
athirah - Well you sounded like your kinda down.

i started thinking like "durh of coz! ur my ex for god sake! im trying to forget you, you suddenly msg me! what for?" and replied denying i am down.

aweng - got meh, mana ada.
she - Hahas. ada.

i knew that i am down but deny it so i decide to just randomly reply her.

aweng - ada ape?
athirah - nothing la. Hahas.

I felt bad, I am just missing her msging me like the old times i just reply and so called tell her "the truth."

aweng - Hahas. Im not down lah. Juz pissed off with my life.
athirah - Why? What Happened?

i started thinking again "you're making me missing you more girl, cant you get the clue here?" as I really miss her love and care that she had shown to me before but i was stubborn and replied.

aweng - Alot of thingslah.
athirah - Maybe you'll feel better if you tell me? Hahas.

i then showed a dump shocking expression to, my heart kept on saying "why are you so kind towards me suddenly?" i tried to cover up his emptiness felt in my heart and have to act as if i am mad at her.

aweng - What is that hahas for? U think its a joke?
athirah - nope. not at all.

when she replied that, i remembered her sweet lovely voice talking to me. but still i kept on denying the truth of me really missing her, i replied.

aweng - Malas ar nak pikir2 pasal benda hidup ni semua. Da malas nak take note ar pasal my life. Apa nak jadi jadilah. Tts what im pissed with.
athirah - dont think about it to much yeahs. =D

That smiley really melt my heart down. i started to really miss her soft smooth hands that i always love to touch and her eyes that i always love to look at, hoping she will be with me forever.

But then i suddenly wake up from my day dreaming and she's currently got a new guy in her life and i cant be with her no more. Sadly but firmly i replied her with a really long msg that sound really "emo" but it was the truth, facing the fact she is already out of my life forever.

aweng - I tried my very best. Sadly for me to say this but if can dont ever msg with me anymore unless its really important or special events like our bdaes, Ok? Because I still cant make you go away from my life even if i tried to get rid all of our sweet memories when we were still together and even tried hooking up with other girls. It just kept coming even after months.So please no more casual msging. Enjoy your life to the fullest, archieve your dreams alright. Let me rot my braincells off and let me be dumb that we were ever been with each other. Stay happy gd luck for your o's Smile owaes - aweng.
athirah - jgn mcm gini ar. =(

that sad smiley shown by her really touch me, felt some sort of sincerity in her. I felt much more down and tears of sadness start to roll down my check without me realizing it.

aweng - abeh nak mcm mana?
athirah - yelah.yelah. whatever you said. =(

i start to feel the same way as i feel on the day she officially left me. So depressed, lost! Then I asked her again.

aweng - then how you want it to be?
athirah - Nothing. Just forget it.

i start to feel heavy, not having strength to carry on, i just made up my mind and get myself ready asap and head out of my house. contacted Don and went out to party.
lastly, before I left his house, I replied her back.

aweng - Ok then, Enjoy your life with your new guy.

with no strength i drag myself out of the house and started thinking of getting drunk. i met don which is just few block away. Then a beeb of a trance msg tone again. There it was her name popping up at the menu.

athirah - I'm not attached.

i was really shock at her replied msg, i immediately said "after saying it publicly in Friendster about you loving someone, now you are saying yo are not?"

aweng - Are you sure? It seem like you do.
athirah - very sure.

i immediately remembered a photo she took with a guy, it is being used as a primary photo in her profile last month.

aweng - Then the photos in your friendster?
athirah - Hes just my friend. Really.

i totally freak out and i just got blank and ask myself "why sia!!" questions just came up and so i decide to ask her.

aweng - ohok. so tell me honestly. am i totally out of ur mind?
athirah - not exactly

so she still remember our moments together, i thought she's the the want who don't want to be with me anymore? why?

aweng - Then y didn't u get back with me when i asked u for a patch?
athirah - I don't know. At that point of time i just didnt want to. Right now my only priority is my o level.
aweng - but why? i was really not me whn you left my life. I nearly gave up studies. just blank. really2 hate myself.
athirah - i really don't know, i don't remember a thing.
aweng - but why?
athirah - you should know. anything that is unpleasant never stays in my head.
aweng - I know. Haizz. u really got me stuck thinking of you. Why now? Not earlier.
athirah - what do you mean by why now?
aweng - why nw suddenly?
athirah - don't know.
aweng - hmm.

so i just came to a silent and i was actually at the front of MOS, queuing up. it really stop me from me enjoying. I am so confused right now. why?

this few questions always played on my mind.

have i gotten over her?
why now?
why am i thnking about this?
why that and why this?
can i still love her like i used to?
will she really love me like we use to IF we get back together?
can we get back like old time?
it never came to a rest at all.

to be honest i had my sleepless nights again after that day. i can't sleep well no more. how am i going to be able to cope with this. i know i cant be able to forget about this easily.

SO HOW!!! SOS please.
ANYBODY? ANYONE?

Tanx You ALL!!!

2008-06-19T10:16:00.006+08:00

TIRED!!!!
I HAVENT SLEEP sey!!!
but..
now im in school.
why...
the whole nite at MOS.
yet still...
really2 had a great and fun time.
tanx you all.
begum khaty boon zeeek arep azim, arep's frens. appreciate it loads.

anyways.
i just want to thank allllll.
for the Birthday wishes ya.
tanx alot the many2 the very nice.
such nice frens i have out there.

19 years old i am, growing older2 each year
how could i ever imagine to bear, those challenges coming, is it with alot of fear

how i could wish that i am still a little kid, still playing with my kiddy toys
but now i am a young adult and i cant be childish no more

playing with love, being heat broken and not forgetting trust and lies
being happy and sad or love and unloved or keeping with my words or breaking it

there are still a lot of questions still in my mind, my future??? my job??? will i live long enough??? will my sins be forgiven??? who and how and why and where???

well this is what we called life right. be positive and be ready for the challenges ahead.

i really hope i am.

smile OWAES =)

aweng'

shes gone out of ma lyfe.

2008-06-15T02:46:00.005+08:00

this is just random post yer...

Butakah Cinta

Berapa lamakah lagi
Terpaksa aku menanti
Sehingga pedihnya penyiksaan di hati

Bukan hanya kepentingan
Malahan keegoan telah ku korbankan
Berlimpahan kasih sayang... aku curahkan
Buat mu seorang...

Kiranya semua itu
Tak bermadai bagi mu
Apa sebenarnya yang kau mahu
Ku tak tahu...

Kau hilang bila ku tiba
Kau datang bila ku kecewa...
Terasa diri...di persenda...
Dimana berakhirnya nanti
Permainan sendiwara mu ini...
Sesungguhnya aku... tak mengerti...

Jika benar cinta itu buta...
Butakah mata ku...
Berkali terluka masih jua... ku merindu...
Apa yang ku inginkan...
Cuma kejujuran dalam perhubungan...

Jika itu tiada...
Apalah ertinya...
Penantian ini hanya sia-sia..

welll athirah deleted me from her frens list in frenster. random sak ni pompuan. tak payah sia ni semua.

then tiba2 i remembered this song, so i just make the decision to blog it. a song which really means alot in any relationship. i am that guy who really sacrifice almost everything, my ego and stuffs. wow tak sangka this song have a really deep meaning eh.

haizz... well to be honest i think i know who is her current boyfriend is, maybe a guy who she is always msging with when she is with me. such a bitch righht!!, well sorry athirah. takpelah. enjoylah kamu dengan kekasih barumu. oh ok DARLING mu e2.

Smile OWAES!!! =)

aweng'

memories still clearly stand in my mind.

:(

2008-06-09T15:11:00.003+08:00

welll...

failed today. arghhh.
just one mistake blew it all. damn.

now im just not in a mood at all.
maybe this time luck is not on my side.
haizzzz.

the day have come....

2008-06-08T15:33:00.002+08:00

hello2.

the day that i had counted down since 8 months ago had come, 9 June 2008.
my TP test.
YAHOO!!!!
mix feelingslah, happy ada, nervous ada. hahas
wish me luck ya. hopefully ill pass it.
insyaallah. amin.

Smile OWAES. =)
aweng'

well, a short holiday.

2008-06-05T18:12:00.004+08:00

well firstly i am going to blog on my trip to KL with my beloved family of mine.

it was on 31th May. Practically i and my elder sis woke up late that day. Get a total hell of a nag by Mak, hehes. then we rush by train to Red Hill station and walked to my Bapak's main office at Bukit Merah. assembled there and wait for our respective busses. move off around 8.45 to Second link and we reach Johore aroung 9.30. the bumpy bus to Sunway Resort & Spa.

after a long 5-6hours we reached the resort. well as it was my dad's inter companies Games so we were escorted by kompangs and silat performance. Paisey sia, hahas, so glamorous gitu. lol.
that night we went for a dinner at the ball room. it really felt like GoodWood Park Hotel sey, the only difference is that i am the being served. the delicacies taste some sort alike. well a five star hotel taste. than had a good night rest.

the net day we went to watch dad dart game. his team lost the 5 games to nothing, LUKCY malaysian. hahas. my dad's team just lost the game at the last throw. damn. well on the afternoon went on to masjid india and went to the midnite Bazaar. it is like bazaar geylang but much more longer and packed. theres alot of HOT KL chicks there, much similar to Singaporean only they wear tudung of course BUT the chicks over there got no MANNERS sia. there one group of chicks, pretty sweet, i cant lie i am admiring them suddenly this three girls just bang at my mum!! damn this girls spoils my mood sia. well Singaporean reading this blog, you girls win them on manners for sure. as night falls we took the LRT, not much different only faster than Singapore's Lrt, to Kelana Jaya and took bus back to our resort. after that we had supper at A&W. my favorite fast food restaurant ever.

than the last day came, went shopping at the Pyramid shopping mall. round the mall around 3 hours non stop. hehes. well its around the same price actually as in Singapore. just bought a hood. =) then we packed ourselves up back home. set off around 3 pm reach home around 5-7 hours later. there was an accident at ayer keroh there, so it kind off delay the trip back home. Home Sweet Home around 10.45.

Sempat berjiwang.

Bumpy yet fun ride.

well we are flying

sleeping. sis nice candid eh.

Jump like the tiger.

my lil bro taking this pic. =)

HAPPY BITHDAY athirah. even though your gone out from my lyfe just wanna wish you all the best yeah.

well thats all.
Smile OWAES. =)

aweng'

Keinsafan ku

2008-05-26T22:56:00.003+08:00

right now. i, zulfadhli rahman am regretting of who i am turning too. i am now much more like a devil than a angel that i used to be. what had happened to myself. Ya Allah!!! help me!!!

it was on last sat. we went to bukit panjang plaza garden to hangout as we promise after work. hang out till i dont know what time. i cant elaborate but what i noe it is the worst ever thing that i had done in my hold life. i really regret it.

it seem wrong when i think about it again, it was totally wrong for me to do that.
you are just going over the limit of urself zul!!!!
i have failed to hold my promise that i made when i am a kid to my parents.
what had got into me.
some devil with fangs and horns or some devil with big reddish fired wings or WAT!!!!

ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why DID you leave me!!!!

i am not trying to point fingers to you, but you're like the spark to all the sins that i am doing right now. from just purely clubbing turning into drinking. why must this happen to me. DAMN!! NEED to stop it. in just 2 mnths. HAIZZZZ!!

From now on, I, Zulfadhli Rahman, promise myself and to all of you readers.

" I AM QUITTING MYSELF FROM DRINKING ALCOHOLIC STUFFS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!!!!"

Ya Allah,
maafkanlah aku ya allah. Aku meminta petunjuk mu ya allah. Aku merayu padamu. Kaulah yang maha pengampun lagi maha penyayang.
Amin.

my push start

2008-05-24T15:06:00.004+08:00

hello2.

this past week was a push start for me . started to go to school early, thanks to my dearry2 friend of mine, Farhana, who wake me up for school everyday. she's so sweet rite. she quoted that she do not want to ponteng2 school and come late. basically it started with the warning letter that i got from my Polytechnic of mine. Really Pathetic kan. hahaha. it actually because of me, cabuting school. woth my 3 cliques of myne, Nurul, Fir and Farah. 4 keparat tt is wat we call ourselves.

For now, the realization stage had come. I really hope i can do well in every test that i am taking but i cant. The past 2 test that i took, Advanced Math and Applied Chem was sux to the max!!! I know i gonna fail both UT(Understanding Test). I studied and tried to understand it, i just cant get it. Especially the Advanced Math. i deserved this actually, i choose the path of failing myself to be a better person. ponteng school, its like a biggest sin in holy book of education. i think i need to really start thinking about who am i, what exeactly i want to do in the future. it all started with a heartbreak in my heart that till now i cant forget, yes the worst ever heartbreak that i was in.

Yesterday was exactly the second mnth i broke up with her. i just cant forget her totally. i dont noe wat exactly i am feeling rite now. yesterday, maiyah, athirah's younger sis was online. she asked me this question:

" do you have a new gelfren??".

wat a question. i was giggling to myself when read it. somewhere somehow i know that athirah
was the one asking me. simply i answered,

" i still cant get over ur sis."

i am feeling that rite now. but i know i cant carry on like this.

well lately, i was closed to two girls. I am much more closer to one of them. i know that i am only being frens with her. suddenly this one kind of feeling came to me, it was quite a shock. i am falling for her. well, she is a nice gerl, sweet voice, treat her human kind very kindly haha. hmm. can i?

oklah tts all.

Smile OWAES!!! =D

awengs.

A pleasent journey ahead Brader!

2008-05-08T00:27:00.002+08:00

Hey2 guys.

its been two days he left away for hys long trip to success. feeling theres something missing between me and zik. his smiles, his laughter, the way he jokingly disturb me and more . and Ya, he is Putera or my putsy al tubby2 ya hakim. hahas. a few months he will be out there in the sea, learning new stuffs getting himself ready for a great journey for his future, being the captain not just a normal officer on board ship, insya'allah. he helped me alot lately and his always been there for me during my 'SOS' times. well bro i can just say gd luck! be the same person ya! and i will show something to you when u come bck home, a KR maybe. hahas. wishing you all the best and ill always be praying for you bro. =)

well now bck to myself.
im still lost in my own world of fantasy. 'it' is still playing on my mind. why must she always appear. its damn irritating. wat can i do to forget about her. pls allah. i have to move on with my life. she had move on, im damn peace off with tt actually, im here still some sort like mourning and shes there moving on with a another guy.
wat can i do? get to know new chicks? maybe perhaps ill be ready to carry on, i cant just give up and keep dreaming of someone who had left my love life.
zul. u must be optimistic. yes. really hope you will be there somewhere my earth angel.
ill keep hunting for more.

btw sorry dad mum kak fi and adk hilmi, i was abit mad yesterday morning. especially kak fi. mintak maaf ye. i think i still need to practice on my anger management. =)

oklah tts about it for now.

smile OWAES!!!
aweng'

i m bcube!!!

2008-05-03T23:35:00.003+08:00

haizzzzz..
BORED BROKE BUNTU~~~

first of all im bored lah sey. nuting to do at home. Haiz... Well nutink much happen for the pass week. Only that i sprain my ankle on last sunday. ouch!!!. Dont ask me why. I also dont want to remember la sey. Because of that i didnt go for 4 days straight of class, with addition of a holiday. Saket sey kaki for the first few days but on thursday played soccer with my frens. gerek la sey after a long time more then 10 people came to play.

oyar.... theres one thing, i cant believe she had move on!! So fast sia. hahas. Nvrmind let it go sia zul. u cant always think she urs. Like 'hana' or any of my friends had reminded me alot of times, she's not the only gerl on this planet. well i can just day best of luck to her. And i will find one soon enough, just dnt noe when. So ill just wait.

BUT!!! im happy to say tt im left with one practical lesson for my bike license. TP test on 9/6/08. Cant wait sia. Being offered a bike from one of my classmate. 2.2 k for a KR, think back not worth it at all. I rather buy something new. Sorry friend. hahas. =)

Smile OWAES!!!!
aweng'

hmm...

2008-04-18T05:49:00.002+08:00

Its been a while now. 1 mths since she left me. Left myself lonely alone. Yes! i do have friends to talk to, but theres no one for me to express love, care and concern too. Hmm... finding her replacement will be surely be hard for me. When she left me a months ago, i had a mix feelings of happiness and also sadness, its damn unexplainable. I know for sure that stubborn, egoistic gerl will not accept me as hers again. But..... whenever i close my eyes, dozing of to a nap or sleep, she will appear right in front of me every time. Smiling at me and looking into my eyes like theres something she is trying to sae to meee. Sighs.

Nah!! i need to carry onnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!
I NEED TOOOOO!!!

Like i said in the previous blog that i wrote. There will one gerl somewhere out there that will be myne somehow. Yup, it will take me alot of patience. Ill just need to be the guy before i met up with her.

Ill just wait n wait, wait for that earth angel that i really dream of getting. She will appear, maybe sooner or later. For now ill need my aweng senses to help me up. Stay sharp and alert. Chicks ill single and available. hehes. =)

back to an old lyfestlye.

2008-04-13T17:25:00.002+08:00

For this past three weeks i have been in a hard position. Just broke up with one special girl tt i really fall in love with. Well we cant werk it out afta months, somewhere somehow i felt unloved, honestly sia. Commit to much on her, can sae my mistakela. Both of our expectations are high. She so scandalous, tts the werd. Tried to chase her for a week for a patch "i dont want to", tt is wat she answered in a stern tone. Well life still have to go on. There is one phrase that i heard before from Putera, " It takes a few more heartbreaks to get THE Special ONE". Ill just wait.

Well. went to MOS last nyte. haha! evil me. wee. dead if my sis get to noe. dance with some early 20's chick from US. WOW!!!! hot stuff bebehs.

enjoyin my lyfe ryte to the max.

im bck with some problems

2008-02-07T01:11:00.000+08:00

Well i noe its been a long time im writing to this personal blog of mine that no want knows and ever read up on. I am for sure im not a believer in blogs but ryte now i have to. This is what i am thinking right now. I am just ' BLANK '.

Got my earth angel. My sweet Athirah. Got with around 3 months ago. Hyper active, loud, sweet lovely, understanding etc... Really suite my criteria of my own earth angel. but currently had a few fights with her. I had tried my best to make her happy, she does make me happy, but i had failed on my part to make her. WHY?

Her smiles. She's like faking her smiles. She is not happy. What should i do. I am just a human that wanna show love, care and concern. Jealousy had made my relationship with her went nearly down to the drain.

I'm clueless! leave her- NO WAY!! i love her so much. im devoted to her, is she? this question just kept clouding my mind. In my few days of blues, i really need someone to talk to. But who? My brothers, SIR? hes busy.

LOVE! it is not just a 4 letter word.

i think i should let her free. i have to trust her in whatever she do. HAVE to. throw away all the jealousy. I am just scared to lose her .

WHY MUST I BE IN THIS POSITION!!! WHY!!!IS THIS WHAT THEY CALL MONKEY LOVE??

Im back!!!!

2007-07-30T04:01:00.000+08:00

its been a long tyme ive been writing a post...I think its tyme for me to be a real blogger.

its been long. i think i am in a dilemma.. been thinking alot lately... just strees out.. bike lisence mcm tergantung... da pokai.. still lonely mcm biase.. feel tired and shag.. oyar btw got selected bck in Rugby.. RP Warriors... AHUU!! AHUUUU!!! AHUUUUUU!!!!!!.... but back to my topic..
just dont noe ar.. LOL...i think wat put meant was ryte.. Lack Of Love...hahaha...maybe..shld be...but hu cares life have to carry on...just rilexx and take a chill pill...for sure god have selected a great earth angel for me.. will not give up...

well a great day tday...went to thinkers after a long tyme we neva lepak there..just miss the moments there...Sir book out last fri...he's still sick..and he have to book in bck tiz coming tue morning..played a game..haha damn funny...kecoh bebessssss...

kla...outs..

A incoming tiring day!!

2007-06-02T13:07:00.000+08:00

Well....me again....

ermm...a day in a disaster..on vesak day went for a rugby match..BUT i was not selected!!! SoBs... :(
sad sia.. but what to do Daiyu out i oso out ar...hahaha...Being in comittee pon ok jer..Rugby is only a hobby..so fU*k it eh..Cycling is my passion!!!

I think now i am thinking only on a bike license...gerl...i dont know how to express it...just lonely...from my loneliness im toking cork all the while with my clicks..thinkers bois..well that is who i am..

lagi 16 daes...exactly...wow...cant wait for it..getting LEGaaLLL!!

oUtz!!

sick again...

2007-05-28T16:11:00.000+08:00

Alamak!!!..

Knn ccb btol ar!!! why im sick again...y!!!...saket je..y sia!!.. nose block uncomfortable sia..fever..kepala berat siol...haiz...pening2...keje lagi..haiz...dalah ponteng skola..lol...ape bleh uat nak rest...need time to rest..

life as per normal tak rabak ar...chill jugak...im a rilexz person..the more you think the more ull feel FU*K up!!..so i just dont think to much..well tts all..of to werk..

OUTiEs WERLd~~

what a SICKKYYY dae!!!

2007-05-25T10:05:00.000+08:00

hello2...hello...

weeee....sobss....sick sia....for 1 week sick...tts expected of me...

Well, yesterdae match..we lost...expcted..poor communication...maybe we are a new team...nvrmind give some tyme for our team to bond...but to bad 1 months suspension from the school feild..a team mate was caught...one for all, all for one...smoking in the toilet...coolshit...for a months weve been smoking there just get caught...lol...power ar Warriors...all the the way...AHU!!!!AHU!!! AHU!!!

My life JUSt dreadful sia..BOrinG!!!damn BorIng!!! werk-school-werk-school....tts the wae of my life...werk to aim for a bikey licence by the end next two months...bikey by end of this yr...not rushing ar...save alot...need to pay insurance, installment for bike, OIL!!!, damn!!! this is like my ferst wifey sia...hahahaha...need to take maintainence...cedebah...stlye ar...only cnnt have sex only...hehehe... :) ...still finding gerl2...got lots of choices but ar susah nak carik yg baek banget sia...

todays dae...

2007-05-23T16:02:00.000+08:00

hello, hello, hello!!!AmCam dunia!!!

my life just as per je..yesterday lepak until 2.30...sleep about 3.15...tak pnat sngat...chill...strum the guitar and shockingly compose a song again...have not title it, a malay song with a great deep meaning..it maybe meaningful if ur heartbroken...School kecoh nt tt rabak...presentation ok2..Kecohrable..presention Moo gerek...the comic strips damn cool..with addition of my yellowed mind. lol... i posted on my last post about the gerl...now no more..neva msg her anymore...just cant take it ar...hate people who never reply msgs...DamN rude sia..no respect on the other party...rather throw ur hp far away to east coast or pasir ris beach..lol...played a game with Daiyu, Amin, Zarifah and Nabila. haha score still draw...

klah tts all..
Olahleh .. outs ..

AweNG...

Well..

2007-05-16T00:51:00.000+08:00

world its me again...My day was fyne...sometimes bored of the me...LONELY just sUCKZ!!!been three days i yet to msg her...i just dont get it ar...is this what put say....maybe just crushes..but after along tyme being single...might be LOVE!!..nah just donno..just hope i get somebody special in my life...finding her 'EARTH ANGEL'....

my first ever.

2007-04-19T00:07:00.000+08:00

Well my first blog ever. i dont beleive in it at first but i think this is the only thing i can shout out to n express myself. 2dae world i just did fine. school is cool..Greenie Mama was created..haha. well that about it.. just liking someone ryte nw. Been a while been i have this feelings. but it is still a ???? theres no wae for me to cntct her. BEAUTIFUL where are u?